So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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