batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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