he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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