Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
