He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
