I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
