Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
