i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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