Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
