Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
