The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
