I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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