Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
