He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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