so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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