I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
