Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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