Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
