Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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