I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
