Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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