We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
