I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The struggles of a small town man whore
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
