His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
