Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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