After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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