my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
