Quick, to the slutcave!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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