"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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