I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Everything about him screamed your future.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
