Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
