I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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