Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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