he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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