It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
