Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
