So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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