Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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