Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Randomize
