Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
