Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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