I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
