Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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