you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
