I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
