I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
