dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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