At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
