Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
