well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
